The Infamous Bridal Shower

It's no secret that I dislike bridal showers. Sure, the one's I've been to have been quite lovely (and all thrown for wonderful brides to bes), but there's something about the forced happiness, cheesy games, and no crust sandwiches that turns me off. Of course I'm happy for the bride and honored to be invited, but the idea of spending an entire afternoon in a room full of pink cupcakes and women reminiscing about their showers makes me want to gag a bit. Maybe it's because I'm single, but still. So after going to yet another one this past Saturday, I've decided to create my own mini survivors guide...for others in my position.

A Survivors Guide to Bridal Showers

So you've been invited to a seventh bridal shower. Rather than sulking in the corner because you you're boyfriendless and lacking in happiness, learn the proper ways to survive the affair.

For starters, at all times have easy access to the front door. Preferably sit right by it, this way you're close to the outside. Phone call? Ice cream truck? Car on fire? All viable reasons to excuse yourself momentarily.

Eat. A lot. There are typically tons of finger foods for you to indulge in, so why not try them all? This way, if anyone asks you the dreaded "so, when are YOU getting married?" question, you can make the "I have food in my mouth!" gesture and shrug.

There are no reasons for avoiding the games (apparently, "I'm allergic to them" does not work), so try to go last. Usually, by that point, the trivia, advice, or pictionary game has been played out. And if not, try to make a "they already stole my ideas!" excuse. (If you play the "dress the girl up like a bride using only toilet paper" game you're screwed. I'm so sorry.)

Presents. This part is easy. Just nod and clap as the bride enthusiastically opens up every cup, every place mat, and every cutting board. I love watching girls cry over silverware.

At all times avoid the following people:

• Mother of the Bride - She's sweet, she's loving, and she's probably crying for half of the shower. She'll tell you every single detail about the upcoming wedding--from location to garter belt.
  
• The "I did it first" friend - Since she was happily married a year or so ago, she will without a doubt compare everything to her shower. "Oh, we played this game at my bridal shower!" "Oh, I got that gift as well--we love it, we use it every day!" "We used the exact same napkins at mine!" We get it, you were there first.
  
• The enthusiastic friend - She is SO excited about this bridal shower. So extremely excited that she'll tell you every five seconds. She's so happy for the couple. It's cute, it's endearing, it's annoying after three "so"s.
• The dirty friend or relative - Without a doubt, one gift will be lingerie. Someone will inevitably do this and it will forever be awkward. The mother is there. The mother of the groom is there. I really don't think they want to see the mesh bra the bride will be wearing on the honeymoon.
  
• The drinker - Someone will come in ready to party. That one girl who's the first to open the wine and last to finish drinking. She will come, see, and conquer (and probably hiccup along the way.)
  

Once you've passed games, food, and gifts, you're practically home free. Keep the smile plastered to your face as people mingle their way to the door. Thank your hostess and the bride for a wonderful time. After a quick jump to the door, you're home free!

...for at least two months. Another friend is bound to get engaged any day after that...

(Note: This is all in fun. I really do love all of my friends who've gotten married. And I've loved their bridal showers. Seriously!)