Testaments - Number Six

(I was going to write an introduction to the Testament written by the wonderful Ben over at No Ordinary Rollercoaster, however I think he takes care of that rather nicely himself. Enjoy!)

[Ben, author of No Ordinary Rollercoaster, may be happily shacked up in his new house with his don't-you-dare-say-life-partner, but it wasn't always so easy. Learn big gay lessons in this installment of Testaments.]

Even when you're the target, it's easy to get caught up in stereotypes. Whether it was Will & Grace or the rumours of the club scene, I automatically assumed that all gay men were slutty. This was a problem, considering I was a young 18-year-old gay man, inexperienced in all dating scenes, and too shy to be promiscuous.

First I didn't date because I wanted to have the talk with my parents. That was my motivator to be open and honest with my folks (they were thrilled that I was able to come to them about it, in case you were wondering. My parents = Sonny & Cher.).

Then I didn't date because I wasn't old enough to go to bars, clubs or anywhere that I would potentially meet a suitor. My university was small and had a ratio of eight girls to every guy – bad odds.

I continued to not date because I was uncomfortable with my body, unsure of myself, and wary of the gay world (I grew up knowing that gay people are just people, they live, work, have kids, etc. only to have the drug-fuelled, sex-crazed stereotypes slap me in the face).

But then, I fell in love. LOVE – first time around. I was overseas and there may or may not have been an Irish accent and washboard abs involved. An eight-month, lifelong romance played out, ending on a break-up email on Valentine's Day. Don't worry, I was the heartless bastard who dealt that one (long-distance is hard, especially when you're both young and not on the same page).

Like all first-love alum, while I was more open to the idea of dating again, I was now much more guarded and disinterested. I figured though, that there was no harm in casual dating (Note: I said DATING. For me, modesty still prevails over sexual urges). Since then, in the past four years, I have had four dates.

Four.

You see, while I was guarding myself against the slutty gays (yes, there are some but no more than there are slutty college girls and frat boys), I found myself tripping over the reformed-slutty gays who wanted nothing but commitment. And they want it NOW. By the end of each date, I somehow got locked into an agreement of relationship by dessert.

Four dates. Four (largely) unwanted relationships.

So what are you supposed to get out of this post? Well, besides that I'm a non-confrontational pushover even when it comes to relationships (except when dumping people on Valentine's Day, which – to be clear – has happened twice now)? Remember that a) stereotypes aren't always true b) there is no outsmarting the ridicule of dating (it's like a Final Destination movie) c) Ben is a prude.