Unemployment and I: A story

I guess the economy finally caught up with me.

I, along with over 100 fellow co-workers, was laid off yesterday. 

We knew it was coming, really. Since working there they've had around four "black Fridays" where they let go a good (read: over seventy) amount of people. Without warning or prior knowledge, we always knew when it was coming somehow, and the day of we'd barely get any work done. Instead, we'd stare at one another with dead looks, wondering if the IM we just received will be our last with the company. 

All week we were on edge, a bit. We lost a major client, a major revenue maker, and that was unnerving. Friday came and at around noon they laid off the director of communications, my friend Jen. That was incredibly hard to see. She had given birth only a few months earlier and they forced her to come back to work two weeks after having the baby. She's strong, a former reporter for the army stationed in Iran, outgoing, and has accomplished so much (and she's only a year older than me!) Seeing her cry was hard. So we helped her pack up her things and waved goodbye.

After that, there was silence. The rest of us in the department (typically eight, but three were off sick, so five at the time being) sat around with wide eyes, nervously jumping every time a door was opened. Rumors circulated through computer screens via AIM, each one worse than the other. And then the names started dropping off our buddy lists, one by one. 

The director of IT and the lawyer came to our suite. Chad was asked to go upstairs, saved from the layoff, which made me very happy. With choked back words, Mike told us the story as the lawyer looked on, giving short statements. Mike had been my go-to tech person for the entire time I worked there, over a year. He was a friend. I knew this was hard for him. 

With teary eyes, we said okay and packed our stuff.  I fit my food, papers, folders, binders, pens and such into two green reusable Publix bags. Mike stayed by, giving me his contact info to use as a reference. I turned off my computer for the last time.

We had to leave right away. I couldn't go upstairs and see if Deirdre was okay, nor wait for Chad to get back. So I left him a note, telling him what happened and thanking him for everything, for being there for me through so many problems. My writing was scribbled. 

It was weird saying goodbye to the rest of my room. With awkward hugs, we said "see you later" and watched so many more people from the company exit the elevator with packed boxes. 

Over 100 people were laid off. My boss didn't see a single person. He just had his other executives do the talking. 

They said in January there might be hope to come back, but I'm not buying that. I wouldn't go back, either, for so many reasons. My company wasn't the best, it was sketchy and unnerving. But it was a job. 

It was hard telling my parents, but they were supportive. My mom said I'm smart enough to find something else and my dad said to drink away my pain. Samir listened to me cry and vent for most of the day, putting aside the take home essay exam that was due. My roommates took me to dinner and made margaritas with casual jokes and caring eyes. 

I know it'll be okay. I know in time i'll bounce back and find a different, better job. It's just sad right now. I feel like a failure, even though I know I wasn't. And just in time for the holidays. At least I can collect unemployment. 

So now I'm home in my bed typing this and staring out the window into the red and green trees blowing in the breeze. The water on the lake is flowing slowly, I'm sure, but I can't see it anymore. The trees grew too much, too quickly, blocking my view. After being cut down so many times, they grew. And I know I will too.