In middle school I rollerbladed all the time. Up and down my block I'd zoom past neighbors and pets. I wanted to be amazing like those kids who went to the roller skating rink every Friday night, and yet I still fell and still scraped my knees because I was not quite perfect at skating. I never could manage to go down a hill without jumping onto the grass when things were passing by too fast. But still, my parents clapped when I came home unscarred and my rollerblades moved from New York to Florida with me.
I practically lived backstage in high school after I joined the drama club. Infatuated with the theatre, I'd audition for every part, memorize lines, and do anything I possibly could just to be close to the stage. And, miraculously, I was cast in shows and became part of the troupe. But when I performed my monologues, I knew the girl before me was better and I knew I'd never get the lead because I wasn't quite perfect at acting. But it didn't stop me; I kept memorizing, kept competing, kept dreaming and my teacher kept casting me because she saw that I had passion.
When I moved up to Tallahassee for my first year of college, I never thought anything would replace theatre in my heart, but within weeks I found the circus and was once again enamored with an activity. I did pull-ups, push-ups and sit-ups every night so I could get an act. And once I did, I was at the tent every day holding lines, practicing my act or just coaching fellow performers. My swing was never great and I had terrible core muscles; I wasn't quite perfect enough for flying trapeze, but I was okay at Perch and Rolla. I knew I'd never be as good as some of my friends, but I kept swinging and kept practicing because I loved it. And my coach saw my passion and gave me acts because he believed in me.
Next week I'm moving in with my boyfriend. We've been long distance for three years and I'm afraid that, although he knows me very well, he'll find out that I'm not quite perfect. Of course, he never thought I was, but still - he'll learn every idiosyncrasy - those things that only my closest roommates found out if they were lucky. How I have to check the door three times to make sure it's locked. How I'm moody pretty much every day. How I like certain things done and certain times in certain ways. I know he's ready for this, and so am I, but i'm afraid my not quite perfectness may cause frustration.
Tonight I made pumpkin cookies to celebrate the season, even though it's close to 100 degrees here. My cookies, much like everything else, were not quite perfect. They weren't circular, they were square and oblong and tasted more like cake that cookie. But still, they were delicious and my dad loved them and we ate way too many.
I'd like to think that if my pumpkin cookies are still okay being not quite perfect, then so am I. I'm happy with who I am. I'm happy having to try that much harder to get something than others might have to. I like striving for things and I'm excited to strive for a happy house where idiosyncrasies will be accepted. Plus, perfect is boring anyway; sometimes a flaw, or that unrelenting passion to be just good enough, is much, much better.
13 comments:
Aw, that's exciting! There's no better feeling than when the long distance is over!
What a very exciting time for you! I remember the day my husband (then boyfriend) and I moved in together, and it has been 19 years ago! You definitely learn all of the quirks of each other's personalities, but that all part of deal. You know one perfect thing about you? The passion and zeal you have for life, no matter what your current interests. You throw yourself headlong into your projects, and I think that is awesome!
I understand where you're coming from. I'm not the best at anything and I always have to try 10 times harder than the person next to me. But that doesn't make me stop painting or writing poetry. I do what I love and I put all of my heart into it. And that's what makes it that much better.
Moving in with your significant other is a challenge -but it's fun to learn those "quirks." My boyfriend now knows I must have water by my bedside because I get really thirsty every night, I must check my alarm clock all the time, and I am grouchy when I don't eat when I should. I know that he hates it when the TV commercials get too loud, flourescent lights, and is grumpy in the mornings. You'll figure things out, and like you said perfect IS boring!
I can't say it any better than you. Passion and hard work are what matters. It defines who you are and make you a much better person, really. It's nice that everyone in your life can see that. I think perfection is making the most of your imperfection anyway, and you do this.:)
That's a really wonderful post, Lauren. I'm proud to be 'not quite perfect' too. :) And I feel the same way about my boyfriend a lot of the time - I'm such a moody get, and have horrible OCDs, but he puts up with me somehow. I think it's unrealistic to expect a perfect SO/friend though. No-one's perfect. :) And perfection's overrated.
Hey Lauren Great post. You're right: it's enough to be good enough. I have a picture I took of a cafe menu below which was written 'Life is too short for perfect writing'. Of course the writer meant their handwriting wasn't perfect; I took it to be about writing, as in what you and I do (along with a few zillion others of course!). I wrote a post about it. Have a look if you like.
I feel the same way all the time - like I'm never QUITE good enough at any one thing. Like I always fall behind everyone else because I'm not perfect at anything. It's nice to know I'm not crazy for feeling that way... heh ;p But really, I think you make a great point, with the cookies - just cause they weren't perfect, that didn't make them taste any less amazing! Life doesn't have to be perfect, and neither do we, to be our amazing selves <3
Thanks so much for the compliment about my blog, and I absolutely LOVE yours! I'm also glad you really liked Doing It-- it was so disappointing that a few people hated it! I thought it was so realistic.
I know exactly what you mean about not being perfect at things. I have about a billion hobbies and I feel like I'm just adequate at all of them, but I love it anyway.
Pumpkin cookies sound amazing right now!
SO VERY EXCITING, CHEERS!!!
Does this mean when I visit I have to sleep on the couch? :( Well if I do, I'm bouncing in at 7am to wake you guys up so we can make pancakes!
Good luck with the move Lovie
Wow! Congrats on the move! You're going to have so much fun. And trust me, you will realize that he's not perfect either. No one is.
P.S. Boys are really smelly. But they hide that from you until you live together. So, just be ready for that. :)
Soo exciting. I wish I could move in with my boyfriend.
I know exactly what you mean about not being perfect at things. I am average at EVERYTHING. But who wants to be perfect anyway, right? It's our imperfections that make us interesting. This post is so incredibly inspirational.
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