Justin's been amazing. Still weighed down and not yet healed (though I'm sure he never will be), he's been at the site of the crash everyday, all day long with his friends. Though some come and go, he stays there, taking control of the situation. From his equally as poor friends, he's managed to raise about $700 for the funeral. Apparently the ashes will be sent down the river.
He's been shocked at just how many parents have visited the scene, now decorated with flowers, crosses, car parts and cigarettes (the latter two being more appropriate for the two 20-something year old boys). He doesn't full understand that, although they are sad about what happened, part of them is completely relieved that it's not their son. Even my parents.
We visited him yesterday, bringing cookies and some good cheer. It was a sad scene - car debris was still on the sidewalk and outlines were marked on the street. Justin was okay, talking, but still effected. He looked older, weak, with dark circles around his eyes and worry lines not commonly seen on 22 year olds. We avoided looking at the deep burgundy discolored pavement.
If anything, I know they've all learned something. Justin said they had a meeting, all of his friends, discussing how seat belts are mandatory and that there will always be a designated driver no matter what. He doesn't want something like this, something avoidable, to happen again.
Yesterday I found the short article in the newspaper about the event. It doesn't say much, as there really isn't much to say, but what irritates me most are the comments. Yes, what the kids were doing was stupid and yes, it is very fortunate that they hit a tree and not another car, however, those commenting saying the boys deserved it are horrid. Really? Someone deserved to die? People just like to be disagreeable - it's so wrong.
So, yes, things have been okay. The whole situation really made me cherish this holiday season. Not the presents and music aspect (however I do love both), but the fact that many of my friends will be in town. We'll have time to get together, celebrate and reflect. I feel like I need to do that now - more than ever.
11 comments:
I have to comment at how impressed I am with the way he is handling all of this. First, he is facing his anguish, not hiding and refusing to speak. And, he and his friends are working on ways to never let this happen again. I'm not sure if people twice his age would be that responsible.
Lauren, I'm so sorry this has happened to your brother and am so, so, so thankful that it wasn't him in that car. My heart goes out to him and the families of those deceased. :( *hugs*
I can't stand that news sites allow comments on their stories. It's just an open forum for idiocy.
I am very impressed with your brother as well. Especially calling all his friends for a meeting to discuss how to avoid this happening ever again.
I'm keeping everyone in my thoughts.
Isn't it amazing how insensitive some people can be? I am so impressed with how your brother is handling the situation. Thinking of you and your family.
It's always amazing how friends and family rise to the occasion despite what a difficult time they are going through... this brought tears to my eyes -- it could so easily be any of my friends being reckless on any given weekend. Best of luck to your brother. xoxo
I don't understand why the site needed to allow people to comment - it's an invitation for public idiocy and it breaks my heart how insensitive they can be. I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers x
I'm still so sad for Justin and his friends, and it's still such a tragedy... but I am glad that their eyes have been opened to just how dangerous it is to drink and drive, and to not wear seat belts in general. I'm glad they'll all come away with this forever changed - vowing to always have a designated driver and always wear seat belts. Even if it did come at far too high a price. Also, people who make comments like that?? Bet they wouldn't be saying those things if it had been their kid, or their friend, or their kid's friend, and so on. People like to place blame and call other people out for these things without really thinking about what it would be like to be in someone else's shoes, and it's lame and really quite sad ;p
Also, can we pleeease hang out this week?? I miss you...
i can't even begin to imagine how your brother is doing but like you it's definitely something to be thankful that he wasn't in the car with them. definitely something to put the holiday season in perspective.
Wow. I cannot even imagine, and your brother and family is so strong. I'm thankful he and his friends have talked, in light of the tragedy, and are taking measures to never let something like this happen again.
And people commenting on news web sites? I don't read the comments anymore because people are idiots and uncaring about other people reading their remarks. It's so easy to hide behind a username, and so many people do that these days.
I'm glad your brother is ok. It is never fun to lose your friends.
We really need better systems in place to avoid tragedies like this. Maybe public transit. Maybe free towing or a cab. Maybe ... something.
I wish this tragedy could have been avoided. It sucks.
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