Fire

(image via Smashing Magazine

During the Spring of 2005m I had the chance to take part in a conference honoring author Samuel Beckett. Representing the Journal of Beckett Studies, my internship at the time, I sat at a table and helped sell our books. Every now and then a Beckett lover would come by and try to converce with me about the writer's genius (operative word "try" - I was never a huge fan of his, but I adored my internship), but most of the time I was left to myself and his books. So, I started reading.

During that time, I happened upon Krapp's Last Tape, a story about a man who records every moment of his life, and organizes each tape by year. As he celebrates his 69th birthday alone, he goes back and listens to his past. It was then that I discovered this quote:

"Perhaps my best years are gone. When there was a chance of happiness. But I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back."

I've mentioned it before in this blog, surely, but today I remembered it. Sitting at my desk, typing out one more essay for school, I looked out my window and felt the breeze on my face. I remembered times and places long gone, and those I have yet to see, experience. Next week, in a matter of words, I'm revisiting my past, going back up to Tallahassee to see yet another circus performance. Those were arguably some of my best years, but they're gone, memories in the vast expanse of my mind. But that doesn't keep me down. I keep going. Keep trying to find that fire.